"Why does being a mom sometimes feel so lonely?"
For a year now I have been the mother of a wonderful daughter.
For the past year, I've actually never really been alone.
Not when going to the toilet.
Not in the shower.
Not even for a few minutes entirely to myself.
And yet, during this first year as a mother, I often felt lonely .
But why is that?
You have a much-desired, beloved child around you, usually 24/7. And yet you feel alone. This feeling is confusing, sometimes even shameful. Because you shouldn't really "be feeling" like this, should you?
Motherhood and loneliness: A feeling many know.
Through discussions with my wonderful mom community, I've realized:
I am not alone in this.
Many mothers regularly write to me saying they feel lonely. And this is completely independent of whether they have a partner or not.
Because becoming a mother – and especially a new mother – changes your whole life.
That's something you prepare for. At least in theory.
It feels like everyone points it out to you:
"Everything will change."
And yet, reality often feels completely different from any imagination.
The first year as a mother changes everything.
A lot happens, especially in the first year.
Suddenly you live in your own unique mommy world .
Life as it used to be no longer exists.
Daily life revolves almost exclusively around the baby.
People try to find routines.
People enjoy the closeness.
You give your best every day.
And at the same time, the partnership also changes drastically.
Mothers often take on the tasks of helping their children fall asleep, breastfeeding, and getting up at night.
The relationship takes a back seat for now.
All of this can feel very lonely.
When stillness arrives – and the emptiness becomes palpable
After the first few weeks, when you slowly start to settle in, it catches up with many mothers.
I miss my friends.
One misses conversations that have nothing to do with diapers, weaning, or sleep schedules.
You miss the time spent together with your partner.
Perhaps even the job, or simply the feeling of not having to bear responsibility for another person for once.
Daily life suddenly takes place mostly at home.
In her own mom bubble.
And often alone.
In addition, new thoughts and fears arise that one did not know before.
Sometimes you don't dare to talk about it.
Maybe because you're the only mom in your circle of friends.
Or because one is ashamed of certain thoughts.
One is exhausted.
One longs to have a piece of oneself back.
And feels alone with all of this.
But dear Mom: You are not alone.
Why this mom community exists
One of the main reasons why my account exists is precisely this connection.
No matter what worries, thoughts or feelings I have – there is at least one mom out there who feels exactly the same way.
is just as tired.
Equally annoyed.
Or feels just as lonely.
That's what unites us mothers.
What can you do if you feel lonely as a mom?
Meet up with your girlfriends
I have many female friends without children, and I cherish these friendships just as much as my friendships with mothers. True friends love you just as much as they always did. Don't be afraid of no longer fitting in. And it feels incredibly good to talk about non-child-related topics sometimes.
Make a conscious effort to take time for yourself.
This is balm for your soul. Haircuts, a walk, a coffee alone. Dads, grandmas, or girlfriends are often happy to help. Dare to accept this help.
Connect online
There are lots of great moms on Instagram. Connect with each other, write to each other, create WhatsApp groups. Real friendships can develop from online contacts.
Use mom apps
There are apps specifically for moms to meet other mothers. For example, Momunity. A great way to find like-minded people.
Find out about offers in your area.
Mothers' meetups, courses, or mothers' cafés are often offered by communities or midwives. Some are even free.
Do things you loved before you were a mom
Shopping, brunch, a movie, or a girls' night in while the baby sleeps. Your life still has room.
Don't forget yourself
You're a mom. But you're also a human being. With needs.
I always get ready in the morning – just for myself. It gives me the feeling of being grounded in life and starting the day well.
You're not alone
After a year as a mom, I can say:
I have met so many wonderful people.
My friendships are just as deep as before.
You just have to be open to it.
And allow yourself to take your time.
Not every mother immediately settles into this everyday motherhood routine.
And that's perfectly okay.
Always remember:
There is at least one mom who feels exactly the same way you do right now.
Sending you a big hug ♡
Your Julia
@bauchgefuehl_journey