Becoming parents as a same-sex couple: What challenges does this entail? And how can the dream become a reality despite the many barriers?
We accompany expectant fathers Horst and Manuel on their journey to the USA to fulfill their desire to have children.
The two young men live in the Bavarian countryside. They met a few years ago in Munich. They've longed for children, but it's not that simple. They're considering adoption or fostering, because they thought that was the only option in Germany...
And so everything changes, and the two become "pregnant"—or rather, a surrogate mother does, 8,000 kilometers away in the USA near Salt Lake City. She carries Manuel and Horst's child. Her baby, her genes. The couple doesn't reveal who the biological father is; it remains a little family secret.
When we heard the story of the young men, we knew immediately: we had to meet them!
"Horst and Manuel, how did you come to decide on surrogacy?"
“That’s easy to explain. We simply failed at the standard processes like adoption or foster care. There was a complete lack of support from the relevant authorities. It was really frustrating. We had hoped and expected things to be different.”
"Our desire to have children became more and more of a struggle. We were close to giving up."
"What encouraged you to continue?"
“Besides the bureaucratic hurdles, there was always that one percent of uneasy, bad feeling. We wanted something different. We knew there had to be another way for us. We didn't want to be discouraged and started again. And that's how we came to surrogacy.”
"Surrogacy - but why not in Germany?"
“In Germany, surrogacy is not an option – it’s simply illegal. That meant we had to look elsewhere. After endless research, we came across the USA. There, surrogacy is legal. We were a little closer to our dream.”
Horst and Manuel find a surrogate mother through an agency. It's not cheap. The agency alone costs €50,000 – plus lawyers, surrogacy fees, and other expenses.
But their dream came true. They found the perfect surrogate mother for them. Horst and Manuel affectionately call her "Bauchmama" (belly mom). What we find particularly lovely is that the three of them regularly connect via Zoom, and a very special friendship is developing.
The men will soon fly to the USA and be able to meet their little miracle - which, by the way, regularly checks in with the mother during the Zoom calls by taking a few steps.
The step into a new life
The excitement is palpable. Is it really happening now? Horst and Manuel have packed and repacked their suitcases 1829 times; they can't forget a thing! Because tonight they're flying to the USA, where they'll prepare for the birth of their daughter. It could happen any moment.
After arriving near Salt Lake City, they are spending the time until the birth with the expectant mother. In just a few days, their daughter will be born. They haven't revealed the name yet, but it seems they chose it about a year and a half ago 😉
Follow the entire journey on Instagram
In January 2021, the two decided to share their story. They want to raise awareness of the challenges of being a same-sex couple trying to fulfill their desire to have children. And above all, they want to offer encouragement. They take you along on their journey on Instagram at @2.be.good.dads and show "that we are a completely normal family," says Horst. With a dad, a baby, and a dad.
Horst and Manuel call themselves "Papa" and "Dad." Two fathers who demonstrate incredible courage and determination. They want to show other same-sex couples that it is possible to make their dream of being a same-sex family a reality.
On Saturday, May 1st, their daughter was born. Their lives changed in an instant, forever. After such a long wait, their daughter finally lay in their arms.
“We couldn’t be happier.” – Horst and Manuel
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We at Rookie wish you all the very best. You are a wonderful, strong couple. And we are so happy for you that your dream is coming true – despite all the obstacles! Your courage inspires us every day when we see your story and follow you so eagerly on Instagram. You inspire us beyond anything we can imagine.
